I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
