Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
