you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
