How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
