What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
