Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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