Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
