i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
