I think I am morally bankrupt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
