ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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