Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
