I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
