Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just blew my weed a kiss
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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