5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
