I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
