There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
the raccoons are back...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
