I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
