shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
