Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
