I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
