I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cockslap morals
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
