i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
