i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
