She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
