Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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