So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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