when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
