so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
