So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
