I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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