GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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