I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
