I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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