chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
