I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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