i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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