I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
