so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
