My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
