I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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