Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
