Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
