Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
