i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
