I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
