Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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