you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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