This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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