I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
