i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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