I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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