Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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