Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
